Outpost News Headlines

Early today, {player_name} marked the dawn of a new era by signing a trade agreement with the rebel colonists. Referring to past differences between the two colonies, our leader said, “It's time to bury the hatchet and forget the past…or bury the past and forget the hatchet. Either way, this opens up communication that can benefit all of us in these dark times.”

Early today, {player_name} rose to new heights of glaring incompetence by failing to negotiate a trade agreement. Colonist opinion seems split between those who think our leader is a complete boob, and those who think our leader is just misunderstood. Questioned about the agreement, our leader said, “Nobody's perfect.”

We are sad to report that the Earth has been destroyed. Communications with Earth Mission Control ended abruptly in a burst of static just after Vulcan's Hammer struck the planet at 0900 GMT. The single attempt to divert the asteroid with a nuclear weapon served only to break it into large chunks, two of which struck the Earth. We have not received any messages from the survivors. Tomorrow has been declared a day of mourning so that we may remember what has been lost.

Believing that two colonies have a better chance of survival on the new world, the rebel colonists have left the starship to form their own colony. The rebels have taken Seed Factory #2, landers, and other supplies from the cargo hold. Our leader has denounced the rebels, stating that they are “a foolhardy group of traitorous miscreants.”

Recalling the glory days of the NASA space program, our leader repeated the historic words of Neil Armstrong on Apollo 11, “The Eagle has landed,” as the first colonial lander touched down on the surface of our new planet. The 50 colonists aboard the lander broke into applause when the lander's engines shut down and our leader informed them that they could unfasten their seatbelts.

After numerous false promises and delays, our scientists have announced yet another startling discovery. Although the details are known only to {player_name}, the Chief Scientist at Outpost Labs declared, “I can't tell you what it is until our leader has seen it, but we're very excited.” Hearing of the discovery, conservative members of the population immediately started picketing local laboratories. When asked why they were picketing, a conservative spokesman said, “We don't know what it is, but it has to be evil. All science is evil.”

Forging ahead into the future, a new colony site has been established by our leader. “This is yet another historic moment in the annals of our outpost. By adding more living space to our colony, we minimize the chances of a random catastrophe destroying our civilization.” As usual, colonist opinion is split between those who believe our leader is insane and those who think expansion is a good idea.

An alien plague has attacked the colony. Scientists believe that human activity on this new planet has released a dangerous microbe from the soil, which is now being transmitted from person to person. More study will be required to determine how the plague is being transmitted. As usual, colonist opinion is split between those who think the plague is a good idea, and those who are dying from it.

The alien plague that attacked our colony has been stopped. Today, researchers unveiled a miracle cure that was immediately distributed to the population. It is believed that this cure will provide permanent immunity against the plague. As usual, colonist opinion is split between those who believe the plague cure is a good idea, and those who think the plague was a cosmic sign that human civilization should have been destroyed on the Earth.

In an unfortunate turn of events, the alien plague that attacked our colony has been transmitted to the rebel colony. Scientists believe the plague was spread through our monorail connection with the rebel colony. Our leader has issued a formal apology to the rebels, but there has been no response. A day of mourning has been declared for tomorrow.

As the last colonist defected to the rebel colony today, our leader said, “The last rat has left the sinking ship. This is too typical of human nature. When the going gets rough, the tough get going and leave town. I think this displays a very poor attitude on the part of our former colonists, but I'm not worried. They'll come crawling back.”

EDITOR'S NOTE: This will be the last issue of the Outpost Evening Star.

The first baby to be born on this planet appeared today at 9:00 a.m. The birth of the baby girl, named Hope, occurred at our local Command Center, where the mother was filing a complaint about the lack of proper medical facilities. Hope was named for the first word she uttered on arrival, which sounded more like “Hurp!” to witnesses in the Command Center. The Outpost Evening Star would like to wish Hope and her parents good luck and plenty of air.

Early today, doctors witnessed the first death of a colonist on our new planet. When asked why the man died, one doctor responded, “Old age. New planet. Stress. Poor living conditions. Take your pick.” A memorial service will be held at the Command Center tomorrow morning at dawn. Flowers may be sent to the family of the deceased if we ever return to Earth.

In a bold move toward the future, our leader has constructed a new spaceport. This facility will make it possible to launch satellites into orbit, as well as serving its eventual purpose of allowing our people to colonize other star systems. As usual, protestors picketed the new facility, claiming that its operations would pollute the atmosphere. Our leader responded to the allegation by pointing out that our planet has no appreciable atmosphere to pollute. On hearing our leader's response, the protesters dispersed.

The starship that brought us to this planet has been destroyed due to orbital decay. Early today, the spacecraft slammed into the surface of our planet, causing a seismic disturbance that registered on laboratory instruments. The impact was observed by an explorer robot. Hearing of the event, our leader stated that the starship served its purpose well and died with honor.

Researchers report that the mortality rate among our colonists is dropping. Fatalities have been high since we landed on this planet, primarily due to construction accidents and stresses related to adapting to the new environment. Commenting on the announcement, our leader said, “It's wonderful news. We've managed to endure the worst part of establishing our colony. It takes time to learn how to deal with a new environment, but we seem to be making good progress.” As usual, colonist opinion is split over the news, with opponents stating that the administration will say anything to tranquilize the public.

The {colony_name} food supply has vanished. Recently, agricultural domes have been given a low building priority by our leader, who claims that the food shortage is all part of a greater plan that common people couldn't understand. In a rare moment of agreement, the colonists are all opposed to starvation. There are rumors that cannibalism may start at any moment. Civil authorities have been placed on alert by our leader, who stated that this move is for our own protection.

{colony_name} is being affected by a severe power shortage, causing rolling blackouts and panic throughout the colony. All structures tied into the common power grid are on emergency status. Power conservation measures are in effect. In a rare moment of agreement, the colonists are protesting the power shortage, blaming the problem on inept colony administration. There are also rumors that an assassination team is forming to forcibly remove our leader from office.

A meteor is approaching our new planet. Remembering the reason why we were forced to leave Earth, the announcement has caused a general panic among the population. The colonists are calling for drastic measures to ensure that our civilization is not destroyed. In an attempt to calm the colonists, our leader is reminding everyone that much of our colony is underground, protected from all but the largest meteorite impacts. Protestors are marching at the Command Center, unimpressed by our leader's announcement.

The life support system aboard the starship is about to fail. The inadequate planning that has led to this disastrous consequence is attributed to our leader, who failed to pack enough life support when we left Earth. This failure is compounded by the fact that construction on the new planet has been too slow, leaving the colonists to rot in orbit. Many people now believe they should have joined the rebel colonists who were smart enough to leave the starship on arrival at the new planet. Rumors of a new mutiny aboard the starship have not been verified as yet.

Our leader is involved in a massive coverup that may shake our colony to its foundation. By refusing contact with the media, our leader has demonstrated an incriminating fear that the public may learn too much about the inept actions of this administration. Even a blind colonist can see the problems we have to face daily at this colony, but it seems our leader needs glasses to see them. Rumors of impeachment are everywhere. Popular colonist opinion shows that our leader's actions will be watched carefully for some time to come.

Our leader would like to reassure the population that “everything will be fine. I have reviewed the current situation and am taking immediate steps to solve our problems.” Colonist opinion is split over whether any reassurance from this administration can be believed. However, we think our leader's willingness to answer tough questions from the media is a good sign.

Quick action from our leader has reassured the population that current events are under control. The media presented our leader with numerous tough questions, most of which were answered in satisfactory fashion. It seems clear that a bold strategic plan has been put into action, although the details could not be released at this time. The majority of colonist opinion seems favorable with regard to this announcement, even though the usual conservative faction is claiming that this is another coverup to protect our leader's reputation.

A rapid response to this reporter's request for an interview has demonstrated our leader's fear of public reaction to the current situation. Our leader was presented with some tough questions, none of which received satisfactory answers. It seems clear that the problems we currently face at this colony are out of control. The majority of colonist opinion is unfavorable, with a small minority claiming that our leader is doing the best possible job.“

In response to my request for an interview, this reporter received a generic press release from our leader. This demonstrates our leader's current state of confusion and fear with regard to recent events. By establishing an air of secrecy about this administration, our dictatorial leader is able to run this colony without any regard to the population's needs or complaints. This is the sort of inept and confused administration that could doom this colony, and its inhabitants, to extinction. Rumors of impeachment are everywhere. Unless our leader manages to take bold action in the near future, the people may decide to take matters into their own hands.

As the result of a tragic accident, the rebel colony has been destroyed. Due to a magnetic fluctuation in the rail gun portion of our mass driver, a bucket of ore did not reach the escape velocity required to carry it into orbit. The ore bucket vanished over the horizon, then dropped back to the planet\222s surface. Unfortunately, the impact site of the bucket was also the location of the rebel colony. Communications with the rebel colony have ceased. It is believed that the entire colony was destroyed at the moment of impact. Colonist reaction is mixed, with some people believing it was a tragic accident, while others believe the rebels “had it coming.” A memorial service will be held at the Command Center tomorrow morning at dawn.

In a surprising turn of events, our entire colony has been plunged backwards through time. An eccentric scientist at Outpost Labs has claimed responsibility for the time travel, stating that “time travel will allow us a better chance of saving ourselves if our fearless leader should happen to make too many major blunders.” Many colonists are commenting that they feel a vague sense of unease, as if their lives are being manipulated without their knowledge. Other comments revolve around a general feeling of disgust, where colonists are complaining that they don't want to live their lives over again. In today's press release, our leader claims no knowledge of any time travel experiments.

In response to an evacuation order issued by our leader, the entire surface population moved underground to seek safety during the recent crisis. Although the colonists have been kept in the dark as to why the evacuation occurred, our leader has stated that a press release will be issued later to inform the public about the situation. Factory production will soon be returning to normal as surface workers resume their jobs. Colonist opinion is positive, with most people commenting that our leader\222s fast action probably saved many lives.

The creaking old hulk of the Seed Factory ceased functioning today. Since landing on this planet, our Seed Factory has provided us with a Command facility, generated power, and smelted ore, as well as building and operating robots. Our leader stated that the Seed Factory has earned its rest after such a long period of faithful service to our colony. The Seed Factory Appreciation Society is preparing a memorial to be placed at its landing site before the Seed is bulldozed.

Although it comes as no surprise to most colonists, a hot lab exploded today. Because the hot lab is designed for hazardous research on the surface of our planet, little damage was done to the active experiment. The lab itself is a total loss. At present, no one knows if there were any casualties. The Colonists Against Hot Labs Society has filed the usual complaint, stating that “Hot labs are bad. The only good hot lab is no hot lab. Make the hot labs go away.” The Hot Lab Appreciation Society immediately responded with their statement, “We like hot labs. Where else are we supposed to perform hazardous research…in our living rooms?”

An influx of former rebel colonists is placing a strain on local resources. The rebel leader abandoned their colony today and met with {playername} for a brief ceremony, during which the symbolic key to the rebel city was surrendered to {playername}. The rebel leader admitted that he was wrong and apologized for his foolhardy actions. {playername} graciously responded by calling the rebels “traitorous miscreants who are lucky to be alive.” Colonist opinion is, as usual, split over this new development, with at least half the people believing this is some kind of rebel trick. When our leader was asked if we would bulldoze the rebel colony or assume control of it, {playername} said, “I have absolutely no idea. Leave me alone.”